The Ego Hates Listening…

How Listening More Can Make You a Better Leader, Parent, and Human Being

One of my coaching clients was frustrated with an employee he genuinely cared about. The employee had been working toward a certification that would lead to a raise and more opportunity inside the company. Most of the hard work was already done. All that remained was taking the final test.

But the employee kept avoiding it.

Every week there was another excuse. Another delay. Another reason it wasn’t the right time.

My client was convinced he knew the problem. He thought the employee was afraid of failing. So naturally, he did what a lot of high performers do. He tried to solve it.

He offered encouragement. Strategy. Advice. Solutions.

Nothing changed.

During one of our coaching sessions, I kept asking him the same question.

“Have you actually listened to him?”

He immediately said yes. But as he described the conversations, I realized he wasn’t listening to understand. He was listening long enough to jump into fixing mode.

And honestly, most of us do this.

We interrupt. We assume. We finish people’s sentences. We rush toward solutions because silence feels uncomfortable. Especially when we care about someone.

Finally, he stopped and admitted something important.

“I think I’m struggling to listen because I know I can help him.”

That was the breakthrough.

His intentions were good, but his ego still wanted control of the conversation. It wanted to solve, rescue, and prove value. The problem is, people don’t always need your solution first. Sometimes they need your presence first.

So we worked through active listening together.

I challenged him to slow down. Ask open-ended questions. Let silence exist. Stop interrupting. Reflect back what he heard instead of redirecting the conversation. Listen without preparing his response while the other person was still talking.

A few days later, he had another conversation with the employee. This time he approached it differently.

Instead of jumping into solutions, he simply listened.

And eventually the real issue surfaced.

The employee wasn’t afraid of failing the test. He was afraid of what would happen if he passed.

Passing meant more responsibility. More expectations. More pressure. And underneath all of it was a deeper fear he had never admitted out loud. He was terrified of disappointing his boss, someone he respected deeply and didn’t want to let down.

That changed everything.

My client finally understood that the certification wasn’t the real problem. Fear was.

And because he slowed down long enough to truly hear him, the employee felt safe enough to finally tell the truth.

That is the power of listening.

Not fake listening. Not waiting-for-your-turn listening. Real listening.

It builds trust. Connection. Loyalty. Better leadership. Better parenting. Better relationships. Better teams.

‍Most people are not starving for advice. They are starving to feel understood.

The strongest leaders I know are not the loudest people in the room. They are the people who create space for others to feel seen and heard.

And sometimes the greatest thing you can do for another human being is stop trying to fix them long enough to fully understand them.

If you want to become a better leader, communicator, parent, or human being, let’s talk.

Book a free clarity call with me and let’s figure out what might be getting in the way of the connections that matter most.